Over the weekend, I was doing some work in the side of my yard. I wanted to install patio pavers near my fence. My heroic neighbor, Allen, came to my rescue by loaning me his electric tiller (I didn’t know they made an ELECTRIC model!). This REALLY saved my back from a lot of manual digging! But quickly I realized that my troubles had just begun. The cable line going from my home to the nearest cable box in the neighborhood was apparently buried about 2 INCHES under the soil! The tiller dug into the dirt and grabbed the cable like a fat man twirling spaghetti on a fork!
TWO INCHES UNDER THE EARTH! Wouldn’t you think that a cable like this should be buried AT LEAST 6 to 12 inches?! And aren’t most TV/Internet cables attached to your house and strung through the air to the nearest pole, so as to protect them from morons like me who get their hands on sharp objects that can SHRED them?
My wife Jenni came outside and asked, “Hey, the TV just went out”. Realizing what I had done I took ZERO responsibility for it saying to her, “I’m kinda busy right now hon…gimme a minute”. Once she went back in, I quickly began thinking of a story I could tell her, so as to not have to own up to being the idiot who CUT THE CABLE LINE! Maybe I could accuse Jenni of not paying the cable bill! Or approaching bad weather must have knocked it out! In the words of George Costanza from Seinfeld, “It’s not a lie, if you believe it”. Oh, it was useless! This white lie would only buy me a little time, so I might as well fess up. What made matters worse was that my in-laws were at our home helping us do some repair projects. I’m sure hearing the news that I cut the cable line with the tiller would only reinforce their opinion that their daughter “could have done better” in her choice of a husband. I will be the butt of the joke for years to come at family gatherings and Thanksgiving feasts!
I went into the house and my wife is pushing every button on the TV remote, as if she hits just the right combination, it will come back on. So I quietly walked over to her and said, “The TV is gonna be off for awhile because I accidentally cut the cable with the tiller”. Jenni looked at me somewhat perplexed, as if to gently say, “ARE YOU SERIOUS?!!” I was drenched in sweat, covered with dirt, trying to look pitiful, but I don’t think she was buying it. My mother-in law came into the living room and asked, “Did you get the cable fixed yet?”. Jenni then explained that cut the cable line with the neighbor’s tiller. I thought my mother-in-law was going to pass out from laughter! Not exactly one of my prouder moments. My wife then said, “well, we can just watch Netflix on the internet”. Here’s where things started to slide out of control: I explained that the line I severed was for the TV AND internet. Jenni’s eye started twitching and she lost most of the color in her face. “WELL CAN YOU CALL THE CABLE PEOPLE AND GET THEM OUT HERE TO FIX IT??!” she asked in a demonic voice. You would have thought our house was blazing on fire and we needed emergency responders! I mean, how can a family be expected to NOT watch TV or have access to Facebook to get the very latest drama or see photos of a friend showing off their cooking skills of heating up a can of soup!! This was Jenni’s face for about 5 to 6 hours…
Yep, I slept on the couch Saturday night. Even the dogs wouldn’t have anything to do with me! Stay tuned…
