When I was in high school, I was pretty much the class clown (I know, big surprise, right?). And in hindsight, I wish I would have paid attention and knuckled down more. Chalk it up to immaturity, because now I am determined to ace a class that I simply cannot fail! My wife Jenni and I have started taking a Lamaze class to help us as first time parents. We’ve all seen the TV shows or movies where the pregnant couple is learning how to breath. Bill Cosby even did a funny routine once, mocking the breathing techniques that expecting mothers learn.
But it is SO much more than just learning how to breathe! Last night we learned about timing Jenni’s contractions. I feel like she’s qualifying at the Indy 500! Our class is made up of four other couples. Each of the women share their high moments and struggles, comparing notes and sharing their bulk size bottle of Tums. Heartburn runs high during most pregnancies. I really think that the people who make PEZ need to create a TUMS PEZ dispenser! Instead of the candy coming out at the neck, it should break near the midsection where a TUMS tablet would come out. MILLION DOLLAR idea right there! It’s funny to hear the other husband’s talk about supporting their wives as the big day arrives. I feel like I’ve just gained access into a private club where someone understands me! Jenni’s hormones are like a morning commute on I-69. Some days things go very smooth, and other days, it’s a 30 car PILE UP!!…and I’m the poor schmuck slowing down to see if I can help. I don’t begin to even understand the discomfort and emotions that my wife is experiencing, so I’ve learned to the two little words that make life easier: Yes dear.
The Lamaze class has already helped us to prepare for things like: when Jenni’s water breaks (I bought the muti-pack of Bounty Quicker Picker Uppers at Sam’s Club) to why women ‘Nest’ (I wondered why there were a stack of branches and shredded newspaper in Jenni’s closet). Honestly, I’m really enjoying the Lamaze class, and for once, I’m paying attention and taking notes. Although I’m not ruling out having a cheat sheet for the day of the birth~
