Yesterday my BEAUTIFUL pregnant wife, Jenni, was in the kitchen, and I could tell something was wrong.
“What’s wrong hon?”
She replied, “I feel fat and I look fat”. Now years ago, a woman once asked me to guess her age. I was off by about 10 years with my guess and thought I had learned my lesson that day. Apparently not.
I wanted Jenni to be okay with gaining weight since she was after all PREGNANT. So I said with a smile, “It’s fine that you’re gaining weight, you’re carrying our child”. Oh crap, here we go…
“SO YOU THINK I’M FAT TOO?!” she said.
“That’s not what I said.”
“YOU JUST SAID IT’S OKAY THAT I’M GAINING WEIGHT, SO YOU’RE SAYING I’M GETTING FAT!”
“I said it’s okay that you’re gaining weight while you’re pregnant…”
“WELL I’M GLAD THAT YOU APPROVE OF YOUR FAT WIFE!!”
This is why men have learned to just remain silent and smile and nod or shake their head. Talking with Jenni reminded me of a quote by President Johnson: “I felt like a hitchhiker on a Texas highway in the middle of a hailstorm; I can’t run, I can’t hide, and I can’t make it go away.
So later that night we were watching TV. I got up off the couch and headed into the kitchen. Jenni said, “Will you get me some ice cream please?” I stopped and looked surprised and said, “You want ice cream?”. Oh crap, here we go…
“OH, I CAN’T HAVE ICE CREAM BECAUSE I’VE GOTTEN SO FAT?!”
“That’s not what I…”
“JUST FORGET IT!”
“I meant that you’ve been so nauseous lately and haven’t wanted to eat certain foods.” Nope, too late…
I’m sleeping on the couch tonight aren’t I?
